Here is a very clever dialog from Denise, a student in a prior semester, which I offer together with workshop comments I made. It's a great example of how to do your dialog assignment and I hope my comments will serve as a further example to help you to make genuine workshop revisions and edits for your fellow students when you send your required comments.

Oh, and please label your comments, RE: ENG 131 Dialog Comments.

I suppose I should also remind you: Dialog is only two people. Not on the phone or in a car. (I'll accept an elevator!) No blocking or props, costumes, lighting. Just two people talking in real time which means 5 continuous minutes (no change of scenes, shifts in time, blackouts).


AND HERE'S THAT WONDERFUL STUDENT DIALOG:


A man and a woman in an elevator:

MAN: 
Oops, I think we’re stuck.

WOMAN: Would she be that detached and calm?
I was so interested in the article I was reading that I really didn’t pay attention.

MAN: 
How could you not notice that the elevator just jumped and stopped?

WOMAN: 
Guess I was too involved. Anyway, what do we do now? There should be a red button to press.

MAN: 
It’s right there. Let’s try it. It didn’t buzz. Maybe there’s a camera in here. Let’s start waving.

WOMAN: 
Of all things that could have happened today. I have a very important presentation this afternoon. By the way, my name is Stella. And you are?

MAN: 
Rambo - only kidding - it’s John. Would he pick that moment to joke and why “Rambo?”<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

WOMAN: 
Hi, John, how are you? Silly question. We’re stuck in an elevator. How else could you be except anxious to get out of here?

MAN: 
Well, it hasn’t been that long since the elevator stopped. Let’s just press that button again and see if anything happens. There should be a phone in here. Or do you have one?

WOMAN: 
Yes, let me try it. It doesn’t seem to be working in here. I am going to sit down and wait. Do you work in this building? 

MAN: 
No, I have an office and clinic across town. I’m a doctor.

WOMAN: 
Oh, that’s handy - I mean, in case, I pass out or something. They’re both cool cookies?!

MAN: 
Yes, but I’m a vet so unless you are a dog or cat, I can’t help you. Only kidding. Iust trying to make light of the situation. He’d tell her his medical specialty at this point…

WOMAN: 
Yes, I can see that. Well, I’m a lawyer. 

MAN: 
Good, we can sue the building owners.

WOMAN:
[she could make a lawyer joke the way he made a vet joke?]

MAN:

Do you work near here?

WOMAN: 
I . . .wait a minute, I hear some voices. Maybe we should make some noise so that we can get help. Help! Help! We’re stuck in the elevator! Get us out!

MAN: 
I don’t know if anyone heard us. The voices stopped. check punctuation throughout

WOMAN: 
Wait, I hear something. I think someone said to hold on - help is on the way. correct punctuation

MAN: 
Good thing, I’m getting a little hot in here. I can’t take small spaces. but he was so cool before?

WOMAN: 
Oh, great. What if you pass out? I will have to do CPR on you.

MAN: He’s a doctor. Wouldn’t he have some advice for himself and for her?
Well, do you have any water with you? I can put some on my handkerchief and wipe my face to stay cool.

WOMAN: 
I have water in my briefcase. Here you go. 

MAN: 
Whew, thanks - That’s better.

WOMAN: 
For a doctor, you can’t take much stress, can you? What do you do when you have an emergency?

MAN: 
I have a habit of overreacting. But I am fine when it comes to animals. Do you have any pets? Oh, he really is a vet? I thought he was kidding when he said that.

WOMAN: 
I have a black lab and some fish.

MAN: 
Great dog. I bet he is a chowhound

WOMAN: 
Yes, he is - I compare him to a land shark. He will eat anything in sight and when he eats, it’s like a feeding frenzy.

MAN: 
I have a dog and a cat at home and a ferret in the office. I have staff 24/7. I do a lot of surgeries and I need people there all the time. You might say, my animals are my life. At least, that’s what my wife used to say.

WOMAN: 
Is she not around anymore? This turn to a new subject (foreshadowing a future romance?) is okay if it is intended to be a distraction from his getting anxious or else it is just that, an disjointed turn to another subject.

MAN: 
She left a few years ago right after I took in an elderly St. Bernard who was 200 pounds and thought he was 20.

WOMAN: 
I’m sorry to hear that. My husband always told me that when he died he wanted to come back as my dog because the dog got more attention than he did. I didn’t picture them being as old as this indicates.

MAN: 
So, he’s past tense, too? Good phrase.

WOMAN: 
Yes, just as well. Anyway, it’s getting hot in here. Let’s at least try not to exert any energy. I’m just going to close my eyes. Do you ever wonder if there really are cameras in these elevators or that they even work?

MAN: 
Never thought about it.

WOMAN: 
Well, you were waving into them before. Or were you just humoring me?

MAN: 
I guess I was just trying to calm you down. You know what, I have my blackberry with me - I can send a message to my assistant and have her call the fire department. Oh, now he remembers. If he was that anxious I would have thought he would have whipped it out right away!

WOMAN: 
Why didn’t we think of that before? She thinks like I do. He never answers? Fix dialog!

MAN: 
Let’s see now. I hope the battery is still running. Good, now let’s get a message out. I think just the word HELP should do it. No…” Stuck in elevator” and he’d give address?

WOMAN: 
Yes, technology is a wonderful thing. I can just imagine the panic in your office when your assistant gets the message. 

MAN: 
It looks like the lights are dimming in here. So, your “ex”, is he still around?

WOMAN: 
No, he never liked the city and moved out when we split. 

MAN: 
My wife never liked the city either. She liked my practice even less. She loved the money, but couldn’t take the long hours or the patients coming home with me sometimes.

WOMAN: 
How long did you know her before you got married?

MAN: 
Oh, about 5 years. We lived together for a year and than got married. It was fine for a while but then things fell apart. She was seeing someone behind my back. Said he was more attentive to her needs.

WOMAN: 
Well, my husband and I knew each other for 7 years, never lived together and then got married. I guess it doesn’t matter whether you first live together or not. He didn’t want kids after we got married so that didn’t help the situation. I wanted to have at least four. So now my dog is my kid.

MAN: 
That’s too bad. I wanted to have kids, but my wife didn’t. She said that it would ruin her “model” body. Again, their chatter is acceptable as a distraction from their being stuck but if it is the story within the story, I’m not sure where it will take us. Will they become a couple after this incident? I suppose I’m hooked and have to wait and see.

WOMAN: 
Life is funny. You never know what is going to be thrown at you. She’s an attorney. Can she come up with some more clever analysis?

MAN: 
Just make the best of it. I have my work to keep me busy. Sometimes I sleep at the office. I am very attached to my patients.

WOMAN: 
And, I, to my clients. I do a lot of pro bono and environmental work. It makes me sleep better at night knowing that I am helping someone and not giving in to the corporate pressure.

MAN: 
That’s nice. It does feel good to do something meaningful. 

WOMAN: 
You know, we should get together some time if we ever get out of here. I would like to introduce you to my lab.

MAN: 
Yes, and you must stop by my clinic sometime. I would love to show you around and introduce you to some of my patients.

WOMAN: 
Well, let’s see if we can get out of here first. Here’s my business card with my numbers. I have a cell phone but I hardly ever use it --only in emergencies. 

MAN: 
I could tell by the way you were fumbling with the buttons before. Like you said before, technology is a wonderful thing. You do have a computer though.

WOMAN: 
I use my email a lot for communicating with clients. That way I can keep track of everything.

MAN: 
I am a total tech person. I have computers, blackberries, and cell phones, voice mail, you name it. but he didn’t have a cell phone with him?

WOMAN: 
So I would have no trouble getting in touch with you?

MAN: 
Nope. I can always be found.

WOMAN: 
See if you have a message from your assistant yet. Do those things beep or something when there is a message for you.

MAN: 
I have it on vibrate. Let’s see. Yes, she said that she called the fire department and that they know there is a problem in this building.

WOMAN: 
But how long could it possibly take them to get here? This is 2005, right? I have to calm down. I’m getting hysterical. I need to get out of here now. So now she is the one who is in a panic?

MAN: 
What happened to that calm woman I was just talking to? Just stay on the floor and breathe deeply.

WOMAN: 
I’m not a St. Bernard! Ah, a good line!

MAN: 
Hey, did you hear that? Yes, yes, we are in here. There are two of us. I can see the doors opening a little. I think they are trying to pry them open. I hear them. What’s that? Yes, we are okay. They said when they get the doors open for us to reach up and they will lift us out. It looks like we are stuck between floors.

MAN: 
Here we go. Finally, free at last. Let’s make a date now. How about Friday night at 7:00 in this building in this elevator??!!

WOMAN: 
Very funny - I will however, meet you in this building in the lobby. See you then.

Okay! Good job. You pulled it off. And there was even a date at the end to justify all that banter. Nicely done. Maybe the next scene, the middle would be their first date. A third scene would make it a one-act play and a project! Cheers, Dr. A.