Students have begun to check in to me about their thesis statements

Students have begun to check in to me about their thesis statements. I'm reproducing some of the discussions I'm having below so you can see ways you can improve your own arguments.

Note: as this class is structured as a workshop, where we comment on and help each other write better essays, I want to remind you all that "criticism" is never meant to be negative or hurtful. I'm grateful to students who take the time to work with me to improve their writing (though here, I've removed student names just to be sure no one feels put down!).

A student wrote me:

We should honor a dying person's living will because we are protecting their desired wishes

I wrote back: Nope, that is still a circle to which you've added a little emotion...

You are saying we should honor a person's wishes because we should honor a person's wishes. No reason there! (A "living will" is, essentially, a record of a person's wishes!)

The student tried this revision:

We should honor a dying person's living will because we are protecting their desired wishes, no matter how heart wrenching or difficult it is on us.

I wrote back:

I think you need to look into what you mean by "heart wrenching." Who would oppose a living will and why would honoring one be heart wrenching. Try writing your oposition's point of view (as notes, a list, even a paragraph or two) and when you are clear who you are arguing agains, then you can write your own argument.

*********************************************

A Student wrote me:

People should donate blood because it can save a life.

My reply:

Geeze. There is no argument here! Who would oppose your statement, a Vampire? Please give the assignment some serious thought and find a topic, an issue of importance in your life. Wouldn't you like this to be more than just a homework exercise in organize words? Why not try again?

*********************************************

I wrote back:

You have identified a good topic but so far you don't have an argument. If you use the actual wording I provide, it automatically helps structure a persuasive essay. What you are telling me now is just a statement of fact. The question/argument is what we should do about the fact. So try this:

We should [say what to do] to protect consumers against preditary credit card companies because [give the reason why we should do what you say].

An argument is "cause and effect." In effect, we should do something, and the cause of that is the reason why we should do it.

*********************************************