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I've taken one student's essay and worked it over (!) to help you see how thorough I want you to be when you do your workshop comments. I understand that you may not be as used to commenting as an English teacher. However, I want you to practice being an editor. Thus, you need to work to find grammar corrections; think about the logic (or form) that is required; look for places the wording can be improved. Generally, make your workshop a place to learn better writing. Make your workshop look like you have spent a suitable amount of time!

Here, pasted below, is the essay, with thanks to the student I drafted for "volunteering" to help us all with how to do a workshop! The general comment and a grade appear at the end.

Christina Attard Persuasive Essay

We should support a campaign to make people aware of organ donations including the many rumors around it because the misinformation is discouraging people from donating their organs. It is a well known fact that there is an excess of=wording? people who need some kind of organ donation each day=wording? in order to continue living=wording=It is well known that there are far more people who need an organ donation than there are organs donated. =This would also include the idea in the sentence that follows! What may not be known by many is the fact that there are not enough people donating to keep up with the demand.= cut s needed.

A campaign would be one of the best ways to educate individuals about organ donations. Many people do not want to be organ donors due to the many rumors and propaganda=word choice? around it. People have been misguided when it comes to organ donation;=p=period not semicolon. Many believe that if they are an organ donor and anything happens to them,=punc that their doctor would not try as hard to save them,=p=period=splice This is false. When a person becomes a physician,=punc they=agreement of pronoun= he takes an oath to do anything they=he needs to do to save their =his patients, which does not include letting one die in order to harvest their=pronoun agr= organs. This would be unethical and a cause for a malpractice lawsuit. =syntax No doctor would be willing to do… finish the sentence. If more people were willing to donate,=punc then we would never have to worry about this gossip, =word choice?because there would be enough organs to help everyone who needed it=an organ donation.

Another angle=word choice? that many people are misinformed about is how much just one person can help. For every person who donates their=prn. agr. organs after they pass, they have the potential to help up to 8=write out= eight other individuals. That is like having the power to save almost an entire family or at least help sooth=sp=but word choice?”relieve?” someone’s suffering. Not every organ needed is to save a life,=p=sent. splice Many times=syntax? a donation will make the life of that person a little easier. Do you want to give specific example so the reader understand?

The fact that there are so many people who need a donation is stunning and if we looked at the facts and statistics we would see that it is very likely that we or someone very close to us will someday need some kind of organ donation in the future. =sentence runs on a bit…If and when this happens, =punc. everyone will hope that there is someone out there who was=verb tense? willing to assist others,=punc. and even though they may have passed,=punc. they wanted to help others by donating their organs. Notice that you never really argue, or give examples of how an ad campaign would work best…

If we got an ad campaign to really inform and notify everyone how important this=say what… is,=punc. there would be so many more individuals helping out and doing something as simple as signing the back of their license agreeing to donate their=prn. agr. organs in the unfortunate event that something happens to them. =sent. runs on a bit…The reality that many people are either afraid or mislead=misled? when it comes to organ donation is the leading cause for why there is such a shortage for organs. There are always ads for blood donation which seem to=why “seem to?” encourage people to help, which is why creating some kind=why be vague? or campaign to increase organ donation would be very helpful.=don’t write run-ons Without a doubt,=punc. would be able to save many lives in the future,=punc=splice It just takes a little effort to put the campaign together.

You’ve done a good job but clearly there is room to revise. In fact, as I decided to make this essay an example of how to do a workshop, it may seem that I butchered the essay. However, I think I did catch most, if not all of the little grammatical flaws. Writing is infinitely perfectible. No matter how you write something, it could be done differently. For content, you have good information and follow the form as I requested. You stray from the actual idea that you think a campaign would work best—and not something like legislation or even payment for organs. Why a campaign? Instead, you actually argue more to why we should donate organs than campaign.

You’ve earned an honest “B-“ with the minus being the price one pays for little grammar flaws.